“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change”
You may have seen last week that I had this quote from Wayne Dyer buzzing around in my head. While I had heard it before, it suddenly seemed more relevant and applicable to every facet of my life – work, relationships, finances, health, home etc. And it got me thinking… (a little more than usual!)
In this disconnected world that we live in, it becomes very easy to JUDGE people for their behaviour…
“Can you believe she is wearing THAT!?”
“They’re STUPID if they choose THAT”
“He’s NOT WORTHWHILE if he treats you like THAT”
How sad that my list could go on forever…
But have you ever stopped to wonder what is happening on the other side of the coin? Have you ever tried to see things differently? See things truthfully? And see things with LOVE?
With the essence of Valentine’s Day still floating in the air, I want to take a little look at relationships, and ask you how or where could you change the way you look at things.
People are complex creatures. Not only on a physical and biochemical level, but emotionally and spiritually too. We are meaning making machines – that is, we derive our thoughts, feelings, beliefs, perceptions and experiences by joining the dots of reality and creating our own story. Which is just fine… if we had all been through the same things.
But when we put two people together in a romantic relationship, suddenly the story is less clear, and often totally different.
Let’s examine a few of the common themes that I see with my clients in their romantic relationships…
“He doesn’t like the same things as me… we have nothing in common”
Rather than seeing this as a negative, a roadblock and something that hinders growth in your relationship, see where it can SERVE you…
- He gives you a fresh perspective
- He opens your mind and eyes to new concepts and experiences
- He gives you the opportunity to share and teach the things that you are passionate about
“He doesn’t show me he loves me… he doesn’t care about me”
Feeling unloved in a relationship can be extremely painful and is certainly not something to be endured… BUT… could it be that your man is loving you in a different language? Gary Chapman, in his book The 5 Love Languages, explains that we all give and receive our love in different ways or languages. These are:
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
- Receiving gifts
- Quality time
- Physical touch
If you feel loved when someone spends time with you or buys you gifts, but they feel loved through being looked after or being praised then you may have a disconnect. Look in your relationship for the different ways that your partner expresses love, and see if you can try to speak each other’s language.
“We have different values… we want different things in life”
Some people want to travel and see the world. Others want to stay in one place and grow their assets. Some want to stay at home and have a big family. Others want a successful career above all else. Whatever the vision may be, stop seeing it for what is on the surface, and start to look at the core values underneath.
Does your partner strive to be rich and successful? Is it really all about the money, or could it be that he wants to feel secure and like he can provide for his family.
Does he want to travel around the world and not be tied to property or a job? Is it that he doesn’t have ambitions, or could it be that he strives for feelings of freedom and abundance?
What is the story of your partner’s upbringing? What does he fear? And what lights him up? Seeing someone’s dreams and goals through the eyes of THEIR experience rather than your own will give you a whole new perspective and appreciation for WHY they are the way they are.
“Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us.” – MARIANNE WILLIAMSON
We always have a choice to see things with love. Today, if you find yourself judging, assuming or criticising someone, stop and ask yourself what other story may be true?
“Love – not dim and blind but so far-seeing that it can glimpse around corners, around bends and twists and illusion; instead of overlooking faults love sees through them to the secret inside.” – VERA NAZARIAN
It is not weak to see things with love, but rather it gives you a strength and acceptance that ultimately creates peace and generates more love in your world. So I invite you to make it your mission today. Approach the world with love and understanding, change the way you look at things, and watch to see how things change…